THE SPINNING TOP OR THIS JUST DOESN’T HAPPEN
(Волчок, или так не бывает)
(a comedy with no end)
Translated by Michael Yurieff
CHARACTERS:
PAVEL:
SVETA, NINA, LENA
A ONE ROOM APARTMENT WITH AN ENTRANCE WAY. PAVEL OPENS THE FRONT DOOR.
SVETA ENTERS.
PAVEL Svetik!
SVETA Hi,
PAVEL .
PAVEL I’m so happy you stopped by. (Wants to embrace her)
SVETA I stopped by to have a serious talk with you. (Enters the room)
PAVEL Svetik... (following her) Sit down...
SVETA Pavel...
PAVEL It’s so great you stopped by, I thought...
SVETA Just a minute.
PAVEL You... here... it’s so unexpected...
SVETA I thought we’d agreed on today.
PAVEL Really?
SVETA You forgot?
PAVEL I thought maybe you wouldn’t show up...
SVETA If I said I’m coming over, that means I am coming over, period.
PAVEL Well, you know...
SVETA You and I were in the same class for ten years. Didn’t you learn that I keep my promises, that I never disappoint anyone, that I...
PAVEL You’re a smart girl. (Wants to embrace her)
SVETA Just a minute.
PAVEL Svetik! (Wants to kiss her)
SVETA You just don’t want to understand...
PAVEL No, I don’t.
SVETA You don’t want to understand that I’ve come to have a serious talk with you.
PAVEL Later.
SVETA No, Pavel, now.
PAVEL I’m listening...
SVETA Can’t you leave me alone for a second?
PAVEL No, I can’t.
SVETA Then I’m going.
PAVEL OK, I agree to leave you alone for a second.
SVETA Pavel...
PAVEL Time’s up.
SVETA I’m leaving.
PAVEL OK, that’s it. I’m quiet. Talk-I’m listening. Svetik.
SVETA I don’t mean to play teacher, you’re not five years old, but I just can’t let it go by. You can’t go on living like this,
PAVEL . You’re an adult...
THE TELEPHONE RINGS.
PAVEL Excuse me. (Into the receiver) Hello... Oh, it’s you. No, why? You know, I have this thing I’m working on... No, no one’s here, I’m alone. It’s true... (Apparently she’s hung up on him, so
PAVEL also stops talking) That was my mother. She wanted to know who was here? Anyway go on, I remember every word. “You’re an adult.”
SVETA Pavel, you’re an adult now...
THE TELEPHONE RINGS.
PAVEL Don’t pay any attention to it, that’s my mother again.
SVETA You don’t want to talk to her?
PAVEL We’ve already covered everything. “You’re an adult.”
SVETA I want to talk to her. (She reaches for the phone)
PAVEL Better I talk to her. (Cuts in front of Sveta and picks up the phone) I told you already: No one is here.
SVETA What’re you lying for? Give me the phone, I want to talk to Elizabeta Andreevna.
PAVEL (into the phone) You imagined it. That was a man’s voice. It was me, it was my voice.
SHE HANGS UP AGAIN.
PAVEL Doesn’t believe me. That’s a mother for you. So what were you saying?
SVETA Why did you quit the institute?
PAVEL Svetik.
SVETA OK, Elizabeta Andreevna and I will have a talk about that. Stop it, leave me alone.
PAVEL I can’t. When you’re here-you slay me.
SVETA You’re getting out of hand. You’re like a kid.
PAVEL Yes.
SVETA You don’t even make your own bed.
PAVEL I was waiting for you.
SVETA I’m supposed to make it?
PAVEL Just the opposite...
SVETA So that’s how you welcome me.
PAVEL With love.
SVETA
PAVEL , love is more than just the bed. First and foremost, love is hygiene. You’re living a disgraceful, bachelor’s life...
PAVEL Sweetheart.
SVETA A bachelor does not mean a man. Think of the classics. Tolstoy, Chekhov, even Gorky. Did you ever see anyone like you there?
PAVEL Gorky: “The Lower Depths.”
SVETA Yes, that’s you-the lower depths. Cut it out.
PAVEL Svetochka.
SVETA Wise up, Pasha, before it’s too late. Just remember, no good will come of this. In the last “Literaturka”... You read newspapers don’t you?
PAVEL What do newspapers have to do with it?
SVETA A lot. In the last “Literaturka” they wrote about people degrading themselves. A smart, talented woman...
PAVEL What’s it got to do with me?
SVETA It’s about you too,
PAVEL . In no time at all, a smart, talented woman turned into God knows what. It all started at the institute. She quit school, just like you...
PAVEL Just give me one kiss and then you can say anything you want.
THEY KISS.
SVETA Pasha.
PAVEL Svetik.
SVETA Pasha.
PAVEL Darling.
SVETA So, she left the institute...
THE DOORBELL RINGS.
PAVEL She did the right thing. (Wants to kiss
SVETA )
SVETA Didn’t you hear the bell?
PAVEL I don’t want to hear it.
GOES OUT TO THE ENTRANCE WAY AND OPENS THE DOOR.
LENA ENTERS.
LENA Pavlik!
PAVEL
LENA ?!
LENA Pavlushal!
PAVEL Hi, Len...
LENA What’s the matter, Pavlik?
PAVEL With me? Hi, Len...
LENA Are you sick?
PAVEL Me?
LENA My God, you’re sick.
PAVEL No, I...
LENA Pavlik, you’re really sick!
PAVEL No, I’m fine, I’m so happy... you came over, what a surprise...
LENA Surprise? Do you have a fever?
PAVEL I don’t know.
LENA You must have a fever. You told me yourself to come over today.
PAVEL Today?!
LENA You look awful.
PAVEL You know...
LENA Have you eaten anything?
PAVEL No, I...
LENA You need to go straight to bed.
SHE GOES INTO THE ROOM.
PAVEL Lena, Lenochka...
LENA ENTERS THE ROOM. FOLLOWED BY PAVEL.
A BRIEF PAUSE.
.............................